As a prior purchaser of two worn-to-death, yet amazingly-still-threaded-together dress shirts from my last trip 6 years prior, our visit to Hoi An was the perfect opportunity to refresh the wardrobe for both myself, as well as Julie. With my eye towards a mix of dress and casual shirts (since my one, yes that would be one, button-down "going-out" shirt has become impossible to de-wrinkle), and Julie looking to spice up her dress rack a tad, the only obstacle in our path (besides a limited budget), would be the question of - How the hell do we do this? Thus, I leave you with a fairly decent segue into:
A Brief Guide to Custom-Made Clothing for a Custom-Sized Guy:
1. Pick A Shop - With over 600 tailors, the majority of which are scattered within a 4-5 block radius, it is a near impossible task to distinguish one from the other. As similarly-dressed mannequins (some with heads, most without) line the storefronts of each and every clothier, a "walk-by" selection is probably going to result in a bout of heat stroke before an ultimate decision is eventually made. Furthermore, any attempt to request assistance from a restaurant-owner or hotel-worker is going to point you directly to an outfitter providing a commission right back to those who initially sent you their way. And finally, if the internet is your cup of tea for narrowing down the search, just remember that all those positive, yet poorly-spelled reviews, probably came from the tailors themselves. Thus, in the end, the only option is to cross your fingers, and hope future "unraveling" does not decimate your decision.
2. Pick Your Article of Clothing - 2-piece suits, 3-piece suits, shirts, dresses and pants of every style imaginable. Light jackets, winter jackets, work jackets. If an item can be placed on one's body, these ladies are going to do their damndest to recreate it.
3. Pick Your Style - For those such as myself, who shop with the assumption that "a dress shirt is a dress shirt," unfortunately have never had the opportunity to create one from scratch. Collar styles, button placement, cuff length, yoke style (whatever the hell that may be), pleats, plackets, pockets and countless other features which apparently serve a fashion-based purpose. The choices are endless, the options are limitless, and the decisions are simply a matter of shaking your head and deferring back to the tailor (or your lovely wife if you have one handy at the time). If that still does not help one to narrow down their decision, then there are always the endless phonebook-sized fashion catalogs from which to browse. Happy searching!
4. Pick Your Fabric - One of the easier choices with which customers are provided, is that of the type of fabric to comprise your newly-selected article of clothing. With the selection ranging from cheap/$10 (like a wool sweater wrapped in sandpaper) to average/$15 (finer sandpaper, but still likely to cause skin abrasions) to world-class-why-is-there-even-an-option/$20 fabric, the choice, in the end, is really no choice at all.
5. Pick Your Pattern - As each store is lined with thousands of different prints, patterns and other-worldly designs, I can only describe the experience as walking into a friends home, admiring their tablecloths, sheets, linens, etc, and then determining if they would suffice as an article of clothing on your person. Now, my extremely unfashionable viewpoint may be slightly biased, but for someone who procrastinates on clothes that are already "built," you can only imagine the issues that arose in my selection of these "unshaped" designs.
6. Measurements Galore - With everything picked out and ready to go, the only step required to bring it to life is that of ensuring it is "shaped" accordingly. Armed with a measuring type, a small Vietnamese lady pries and prods at every inch of one's body, noting down detailed measurements in what only appears to be illegible scribbles. Wrist, wrist to elbow, bicep, shoulder to shoulder, shoulder to waist, waist, a slightly higher waist, a slightly lower waist, on and on, notation after notation. When all is said and done, a final courtesy warning of "please don't drink too much tonight" is provided to ensure no "overnight expansion."
7. Fittings, Fittings, Fittings - Anywhere from 5 minutes to 5 hours later (these ladies have the nimblest of fingers), your clothing is complete, and ready for the first "body test." Loose pieces of fabric are assessed and pinned, tight pieces are chalked, and somehow an apparent change is set in motion. Complete this activity 3 times in total, and you have yourself a "custom fit."
8. Getting it Home - With options ranging from spending twice what you did on the clothes themselves to send via air (somehow a 3-week journey on the world's slowest plane), to the much less expensive, yet insanely long 3 month journey by sea (we envisioned a rowboat), the best option, in hindsight, is to ensure enough room is available in the first place to carry home your newly-created purchases. However, as that is usually not an option (I refuse to say which gender may have more of an issue in this realm), expect your clothes to have a long, painful journey prior to your eventual reunion.
As our 3-day process into the world of custom-clothing only took an hour or so out of each day, the remainder of our time was spent wandering the delightfully-charming narrow streets of Hoi An, in addition to filling our carefully-pre-measured bellies with as much delicious food as possible. As the initial obsession with $1 delicious-yet-god-can-we-please-eat-something-else bowls of Pho slowly began to lose its luster, we were quite excited to mix up our Vietnamese cuisine, and Hoi An provided unlimited such opportunities.
With every street lined with a multitude of cheap, yet amazingly-flavorful local eateries, it was simply a matter of pointing and choosing (i.e. researching food blogs indefinitely - I heart you internet) as to determine our pick of the litter for each meal. From Anthony Bourdain-recommended Banh Mi shops to a back-alley restaurant which provides hand-held demonstrations on how to "concoct" the food placed at your table, there was no shortage of unique dining experiences. In 4 days we did not find one meal which failed to exceed our expectations, and don't envision we would have if we stayed a week longer.
Onto the pics:
| A quick 14-hour sleeper train from Hanoi to our "checklist pitstop" in Hue |
| The Ancient Citadel in Hue - Check, check and check |
| "Tailless Merfamily" - Add this to the list of creepier statues ever witnessed - My |
| Arriving into the quiet-I-won't-say-quaint-since-I've-overused-that-word-by-now town of Hoi An |
| A slightly slower pace than back in Hanoi |
| The Japanese Bridge - Spend more than 7 seconds crossing and you will be charged $1 for "sight-seeing" |
| Another unresearched/unknown building of architectural significance (if you cannot tell, we have started to wane on "tourist attractions") |
| Canali Tailors - Our home away from home for the next 3 days. Whether it was the recommendation by the Ozzy Fam from Halong Bay, or the mannequins with sawed-off heads, either way, they had us sold |
| Apparently the tailor next door caters to the "alien-shaped-head" crowd |
| One of our many "custom fittings" experienced on a daily basis |
| As free beer was provided each time you entered the store, we were quite the frequent of visitors |
| That would be $25 worth of ties - Mark that off the "never have to buy again" list |
| An Bang Beach - Getting our first taste of the bath-water-temperature South China Sea |
| Lazing the day away with fruity drinks and hungover backpackers |
| Anthony Bourdain/Mark & Julie Soskolne-rated best Banh Mi sandwich ever |
| Visiting the local market for some sneak-attack photos |
| "Vegetable Lane" - I do love me some conical hats |
| Thung Chai Basket Boat - Definitely one of the more inefficiently-shaped nautical vessels |
| Mixing up some rice milk during our spur-of-the-moment Vietnamese cooking class |
| Julie performing a masterfully-skillful flip of the Banh Xeo (aka Vietamese Pancake) |
| The end products of our 4-course meal - Spring Rolls, Banh Xeo, Banh Bo and some good ole beef Pho to wrap it all up |
| It only took 3 different sets of "assistants" to capture this image (the first two decided that proper "framing" of a photo did not involve the people and/or the background) |
| Highly-desired "photo with white lady" by Asian tourists |
| $0.50 well spent on this photo |
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