El Nido: Filipino Paradise From the Back of a Tricycle

After traversing thousands of miles over the course of the prior 6 weeks, we decided to dedicate our final few days in Southeast Asia to enjoying a little R&R, as a lack of overall movement was quite in order. With our destination residing on a small Filipino plot of oceanside paradise, located at the very tip of the island of Palawan, the tiny one-road-in/one-road-out coastal town of El Nido was the perfect destination to say farewell to our time in the Orient. With a pace of life that makes Williamsburg seem chaotic (seriously, what bagel shop doesn't open until 11AM?!), relaxation is not a choice, it is the only option.

With that being said, while the pleasure of watching Julie read crime novels is quite the enjoyable way to pass the hours, a few activity-filled highlights were sorely needed to comprise the remaining 99% of our time:

- Cyclone Avoidance - With July representing one of the "non-preferred" times to visit El Nido due to the nonstop threat of village/vacation-destroying cyclones (at least according to every travel guide/forum/post we came across), we decided to tempt fate, and hope Mother Nature had a more pleasant, tropical-storm-free weather forecast in store for us. Luckily enough (unless you happen to habituate in Taiwan), any potential risk passed by to the North, leaving us with 5 days of perfectly blue skies, clear water, and the occasional, entirely unavoidable, 30-minute afternoon monsoon.

- Accommodation - Having spent upwards of 25 wallet-busting dollars per night for our own small slices of luxury throughout Asia, we made the decision to finally treat ourselves to a "what-any-normal-person-would-spend" form of accommodation, opting for our own cottage overlooking the bay of El Nido. At $85/night, the additional splurge of $60 managed to afford us incredible views, amazing sunsets and a friendly population of food-craving ants that would join us typically 7-8 minutes into our breakfast each and every morning. Oh how i will miss those endless crawling lines, streaming from our balcony directly to the jar of why-did-they-give-us-so-much-sugar.

- Island Hopping Tours - For those unable to spend 5 consecutive days of little to no activity (cough me cough sorry Julie cough cough), the unavoidable go-to option is found in the form of "Island Hopping Tours." With 4 options (appropriately named A, B, C & D), your day is spent aboard an "outrigger," traveling from hidden beaches to secret coves to any other adjective to describe something as "undiscovered, but not really, as there are hundreds of people around you right now." Despite the crowds, which in all reality, were minuscule in comparison to the rest of our trip, our time on tours A & C (obviously the best letters) involved snorkeling, eating delicious freshly-cooked food, and swimming through countless "secret passages" leading to Leonardo Dicaprio-inspired Beaches (capitalized for emphasis).

- Tricycles - As the primary form of transportation around the entire island of Palawan, the hilariously-designed "tricycles" are more of 2001 Space Oddysey-esque time machine, powered by your ever-efficient 110CC motobike. Designed with a bit of "flare" that helps to differentiate one from the other (typically involving the word "Princess" followed by the name of the drivers wife), all of $0.75 is needed to travel to your intended destination (unless of course that destination involves a hill, in which case, your legs are the preferable form of transport).

- Sunsets - It's pretty much like God (or who/whatever you choose to believe has control over sunsets) decided to take a nice LCD trip around 6:30PM each and everyday.

Onto the pics:

	1 hour flight + 6 hour windy/bumpy van ride combo for $75, or a luxurious 1 hour charter flight for $100. Add in some fancy boarding passes, and you have us sold!
	Singing ladies = Obvious welcome to paradise
	This fine Filipino mode of transportation is called a "Jeepney" - Basically a snow plow for pedestrians
	A slight upgrade from our $10/night fan room in Chiang Mai
	Infinity Pool... if you ignore all the trees
	The one road town of El Nido
	Sorry, make that two roads
	Stanley Kubrick's vision of the future coming to life - And not to worry, there is a motobike hidden in there somewhere
	Nice and cozy
	Ready to partake on Island Hopping Tour A - Secret Beach, Secret Cove, Secret Bay, Secret Souvenir Stand / Snack Bar
	Thank you Cyclones for your "with regrets" lack of attendance
	Somewhat like Halong Bay, minus Vietnamese people, plus Filipino people
	Going old school with the anatomy-based selfie stick
	The turquoisiest!
	Snorkeling + Life Jacket = Lazy Man's Adventure
	Proof that our GoPro worked underwater, just not that great
	One of the many swim-through holes leading to a hidden cove/beach/cave/bay
	"Secret" beach if you ignore the 20+ boats docked outside
	Caption-less scenery
	Apparently Southeast Asians love decorating with fruit
	Julie super excited to go back to work in less than 10 days
	"Please do not lay in postcard-inspired hammock"
	Attempt #3 at time delayed photo (and don't ask why I felt the need to raise my right elbow in the air)
	Sunset from our balcony
	Sunset from someone else's balcony
	Sunset from LCD-serving balcony

Angkor Wat: A Quick Layover in the City of Temples

With less than 48 hours in the small city of Siem Reap, Cambodia, home to the world-renowned temples of Angkor Wat, our limited time was reduced even further as whatever stomach bug had previously decimated Julie, slowly caught up to me, having its way in an indescribably-non-fun-at-all manner. After a 24-hour period which I would prefer was erased from my memory banks forever, my futile attempt at "rallying" the following morning for sunrise over Angkor Wat instead involved being carried back in a semi-conscious state to our Tuk Tuk, as my body decided the already-oppressive 5AM heat was just enough to place me in a deep-sweat-near-fainting state.

Nonetheless, 8 bed-ridden hours later, with a nice dose of Cipro working its wonderful magic (once again, hurray for 3rd world pharmaceutical laxness!), I managed to join Julie for round 2 of our 3-hour "sprint" around Angkor Wat, aka the "City of Temples", aka the largest religious monument in the world, aka dammit there are no bathrooms anywhere! And that is all I would like to say about that.

Onto the pics:

	Air Asia - High emphasis on decoration, limited emphasis on safety. Consider us, luckily, 1/1
	"I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and sh*tty as can be!"
	Angkor Wat - 900 years old, 500 acres in size -- I guess our guest bathroom remodel wasn't that big of an accomplishment afterall
	Just missed sunrise by about 10 hours...
	"Mind Your Step"
	Props to Julie for her "sneak attack" photo, of a monk, taking a photo, of Julie, taking a photo, of a monk... (this could go on forever I imagine)
	Ta Prohm - Centuries of overgrown tree-covered temples + Tomb Raider Film = Photogenicness to the extreme
	I envision Angelina Jolie walking these halls, debating which small Cambodian child she would be bringing home with her... or maybe she was just dreaming about Brad. Either one is understandable.
	Not Angelina
	This place could really use a few sprays of RoundUp
	Somewhat amazing to see nature literally consume a city
	Apology provided is not accepted
	Not sure how it took us 6 weeks to see our first monkeys in SE Asia... I blame Rihanna (props to anyone who gets this reference, or at least Google's "Rihanna Monkey Asia")
	900 year old version of Tug of War (apparently snakes were used in the place of ropes at the time)
	Bayon - The temple of a million (aka 200) faces
	#42 I imagine
	Double face!
	There exists a word in the dictionary to describe these "pictures etched into stone," yet, I am blanking its name. Oh well, this is one of them
	Our own personal Tuk Tuk driver around Angkor Wat, Siem Reap, to/from pharmacies, etc (and no, Julie was not taking this photo sideways)
	Meeting up with the Kiwis for a little "Cambodian Reunion"
	Phare - Cirque de Soleil + Cambodians + 100-person theater = Best $15 spent all trip (I guess I'm a fan of "equation captions" this post)
	Intensity provided for free
	Thank you for keeping still for the photo balancing lady (and thank you, other lady, for whatever you appear to be doing in the background)

A Slightly-Biased, Somewhat-Stereotypical Overview of Vietnam: Motobikes

Typically know as Vespas or scooters to those of the non-Asian variety, motobikes in Vietnam are more than just a form of transportation, they are an essential part of everyday life. With approximately 35-40 million of these motorized 2-wheelers throughout the nation (if you consider "the internet" a valid source of truth), there is approximately 1 motobike for every person of the "questionably appropriate" age to navigate one. "Sharing" the road with a mere 2 million cars, the whiny, endlessly-honking motobikes are literally the never-ending, pulsing heartbeat of the nation of Vietnam.

With an all-encompassing engine ranging anywhere from 110-125 CC's (for comparison sake, a bottom-of-the-line walk-behind lawnmower has 150 CCs), every single cubic centimeter is put to use by those that rely so heavily upon them. Whether veering around human and/or non-human obstacles, to carrying a load that most F-350 owners would consider too burdensome, there is no doubt these miniature "hogs" are not only vital to life in Vietnam, but also an inevitable presence for years to come.

With that being said, I leave you with a few "tidbits" on motobike-riding in Vietnam:

Rules of the Road - Paying attention to only those bikes in your nearby vicinity will no doubt result in a nice taste of pavement before the day is over. Instead, one must not only pay attention to the bike next to themselves, but also the bike next to that bike, and even the bike next to the bike next to that bike. And so on and so on. If someone 1/2 mile away beings to veer, odds are this is going to impact your location on the road at some point in the near future. Aside from this general "awareness" of one's 1/2 mile radial surroundings, the only other applicable rule is that if a paved area is wide enough for your bike, then ride on through! (this applies to sidewalks, alleyways, crowded markets, and at one point, through the middle of a busy restaurant).

Carrying Capacity - If it can be balanced, it can be carried. From entire extended families (our record witnessed was 6, yes 6) to appliances of any size possible (refrigerators tending to be the most common), all that is needed is a few bungee cords, a friend to help load everything up, and of course an iron will to navigate chaotic traffic with a potential cause-of-death sitting only 6 inches behind you.

Child Placement - While the most common location for those of "pre-driving" age is that of a standing, helmet-less spot at the front of the bike, other acceptable positions include wedged between parents (a "human seatbelt" if you will) or in a resting position on any family members lap (ensuring the head is not placed within range of "oncoming traffic"). Any reduction in traveling speed is deemed unnecessary, as a higher priority to your child's safety is instead the preparation for the inevitable future operation of their own motobike in years to come.

Fuel Efficiency - With a jaw-dropping efficiency rating that puts even-the-smuggest Prius owners to shame, your standard motobike travels approximately 150 miles on a single gallon alone. $3-4 and a full-tank later, and you are pretty much set for the month (and that is only IF you are doing a significant amount of driving).

Crossing The Road - With motobikes competing with humans for any available space possible, the inevitable "encounter" between the two is unavoidable when a street crossing is in order. Although the standard rule of thumb of "walk in a slow steady pace" is accepted by most, putting this guildeline into practice requires a bit of determination, and at least an hour of astonished gawking at others more well-versed then yourself. I leave you with a perfect example from an old (i.e. less bald version of myself) video experienced during my last visit to Vietnam: Crossing the Road in Vietnam

Onto the Best of the Best "Motobike-Stalking" Pics:

	A standard scene on any Vietnam road - An assload of bikes and a couple cars stuck in between
	A standard intersection lacking traffic lights and/or stop signs, through which each driver, no matter which direction they are headed, plows on through
	The classic family shot -- And yes, the 3rd person back, apparently talking on a phone, is the driver
	Witnessed Yet Uncaptured Shot 1 - "The Extended Family of 6"
	Objects of Varying Size 1 = Your standard "climbing device"
	Objects of Varying Size 2 - Edible birds
	Objects of Varying Size 3 - Inedible birds
	Objects of Varying Size 4 - Endless bags of Cheetos?
	Objects of Varying Size 5 - Just a handful of 100 pound urns
	Objects of Varying Size 6 - Weekly groceries
	Objects of Varying Size 7 - "Moving Sale"
	Objects of Varying Size 8 - A toilet paper collection that would make Costco jealous
	Objects of Varying Size 9 - Giant wicker baskets
	Objects of Varying Size 10 - One of my personal favorites -- Just a fridge on the back of a bike
	Objects of Varying Size 11 - I take that back, THIS is my personal fave, especially since we had absolutely no idea what was going on at the time
	Objects of Varying Size 12 - A standard pre-hinged door
	Witnessed Yet Uncaptured Shot 2 - A good ole pane of glass (ours being at least twice as tall)
	"The Human Trailer Hitch" - While difficult to see, there is a man sitting backwards on the back of the bike holding onto this "contraption"
	"Motobike Poncho" - Covers not only the driver, but the handle bars AND a partially-blinded passenger
	"Parking Lot"
	Or just a nice spot to take a quick daytime nap