Chiang Mai: Wat Wat (in the Baht)

For those unfamiliar with the WTF-inspired viral video from years back, let's just say I have been anxiously awaiting the moment to utilize this Thai-translated phrase since our trip commenced. I apologize in advance to those lacking my "unique" sense of humor

After enjoying our first experience on the rickety Thai train system during the 14 hour overnight jaunt from Bangkok, we arrived at the "Rose of the North," a more-than-fitting nickname for the northern city of Chiang Mai. Comprising a population of just under 200K, Chiang Mai provided an immediate welcoming reprieve from the chaos and commotion of our prior destination. With coffee shops, cafes and the obligatory fruit shake vendors lining every which road (mango smoothies have become our own crave-inducing version of crack), our days were spent at a slower "clip" (as Julie enjoys saying during our nautically-inspired conversations), at a rate of 1-2 sights/day.

Without further ado, onto the highlights:

Wat Phra That Doi Suthep - Despite being known for an absurdly high number of wats (i.e. Buddhist temples), we only managed to visit a handful of the over 300 Buddha-adorned shrines within Chiang Mai's limits. Comprising a standard formula of barefoot tourists + monks + gold-spray-painted-everything + Buddha(s) (typically in seated or, the more comfortable, reclining position), it is very easy to find oneself suffering from the ailments of "wat-overdose" after experiencing just a few days within the premises of these religious sanctuaries. Nonetheless, after hearing all the rave reviews regarding one of Chiang Mai's most sacred temples, we decided what better excuse than to to give our motobike-riding skills their first windy/hilly test.

Pronounced however you wish (it will probably be incorrect as we have discovered time and time again with any word/phrase in the Thai language), the temple of Wat Phra That Doi Suthep (#WPTDS for those twitterers in the group) sits high above Chiang Mai in the refreshingly cool-yet-still-not-that-cool hills of the Northern Thai countryside. With a breathtaking view over the city below (if breath still is to be had after the surprisingly tiring walk up all 309 steps), one is able to enjoy a true moment of serenity and solitude (that is, if you ignore the hundreds of selfie-stick-holding-tourists within arm's reach).

Sunday Night Market - In a region where the hours between 8AM and 6PM are characterized by heat, humidity and a helpless sense of exhaustion, it is no surprise that life truly picks up during the hours after the sun has set beyond the horizon (poetic, I know). Chiang Mai is no exception, as the city comes alive as darkness overtakes its confines (even more poetic, go me!). And what better way to celebrate the temporary break from the onslaught of mother nature than by setting up thousands of stands, selling everything and anything one can imagine (matchboxes from the 60s were our pick-of-the-litter).

With multiple night markets throughout the city, the one held every Sunday evening, conveniently located a stone's throw from our guesthouse, proved most impressive. The main thoroughfare of Chiang Mai's old city is converted into a pedestrian-only walkway, with roadside stands lining the streets for miles (yes, miles) as well as every open-area Wat along its path turned into a temporary locale for a wide variety of delicious Thai food stands. With crowds only dispersing much later in the evening, it is no surprise that Monday in Chiang Mai, is usually everyone's day off.

Massages with Convicts - "Hello, massage?" It is almost impossible to walk down any street in Thailand, as a tourist at least, and not hear those two sing-songy words uttered in your direction. With prior requests falling upon deaf ears, we finally decided, after several painfully-spent days upon our motobike to and from Pai (more on this to come later), that a good deep tissue rub down was in order. However, as to ensure such an experience would not only provide relaxation and rejuvenation, but also a solid story to boot, we decided to seek out the most "unique" massage shop in Chiang Mai. And that, of course, is how we wandered upon the growing trend of "massages with convicts."

For the all-encompassing sum of $10, one is treated to the muscle-soothing relief from the well worn hands of an incarcerated female convict. Yup, we shit you not. Unfortunately for us however, with all the "cons" being booked up for the day, and only a few hours left on our watches prior to our flight to Laos (hypothetical watches of course, aka phones), we resorted to the 2nd best option -- Ex-cons. Thus, while still experiencing an hour of relief at the hands of Thailand's most notorious (aka probably not-so-notorious), at least with these special ladies, they had already paid their debt to society.

Baan JaJa Guesthouse - Good idea = Finding a guesthouse for less than $10/night. Bad idea = Said guesthouse lacking the good-nights-sleep-accompanying presence of air conditioning. 3 sleepless/90 degree nights later, valuable lesson learned.

Onto the pics:

	Embarking on our 14-hour night train from Bangkok to Chiang Mai -- Apparently a backpacker was a bit too "overserved" back in the day, so now all alcohol is banned on trains in Thailand. Thanks guy.
	Wat Pha Sing - One of probably a dozen Wats within a 5 block radius
	Julie in her finest Wat-attire
	Young children of the monkhood enjoying a nice lunch while dozens of tourists take photographs of them in the background (not myself of course, I fall more into the "amateur/aspiring blogger" category)
	Artsy bell shot (that is all)
	Khao Soi - This dish just made it to the top of our "how the hell do we recreate this back home" list
	Making our way up the steps to Wat Phra That Doi Suthep
	Tribal girls welcoming guests to the Wat (and damn you lady in white dress for being impossible to photoshop out)
	It only took about 20 minutes to get this shot without a selfie stick poking its way into my viewfinder
	A very common sight outside the entrance to wats
	The view over Chiang Mai - "I'll take sunny/non-hazy photogenic days for $200 Alex, thank you"
	Julie exhibiting the 1st stage of "wat overdose"
	Sunday Walking Market - Quite appropriately named if you ask me (i.e. occurs on Sunday, involves walking, is a market)
	We scoured these stands of change purses (yes, there were multiple) looking for Kerby, to no avail unfortunately
	I just enjoy the fact that someone not only created this fine piece of art, but also took the time to ensure the elephant's expression was "fitting of the moment"
	Match Boxes from the 60s - Coming to a bathroom near you any day now
	Yup, that's how we roll
	Catching the 5:30PM prayer session
	Consolidated Translation = "Please call ahead, and no taking photos of inmates while moaning under a tree branch?"
	$10/night steamy pad of luxury

Cooking With Poo: A Culinary Experience of Sentimentality

Warning: The below post lacks cynicism, sarcasm (for the most part), and other literary-based tools commonly utilized in prior posts/blogs

Every so often you come across an individual that has made the deliberate choice to dedicate their lives to that of others. Someone so selfless, it appears that the happiness of others is the only fuel that keeps themselves alight (+5 points for sentimental analogy!). And while historical figures such as Mother Theresa, Gandhi or even Wilson from Tool Time encompassed similar traits (yes Wilson, go with it), they unfortunately lacked the one ability that truly would have placed them on a platform all by themselves - Some damn good culinary skills.

And that is where you find Khun Saiyuud Diwong - More affectionately known as Poo - An unfortunately nicknamed women (unless you are a hipster who revels in ironic graphic t-shirts), from the slums of Bangkok, who decided that feeding her friends, family and community was her life's endeavor. With an overly-successful cooking school, recycling a nonstop flow of tourists 313 days a year (Sundays are a "holiday"), Poo's greatest accomplishment (aside from a damn good green curry), is keeping to her roots (a notion which every Detroit Lions fan can truly appreciate). Despite the fact that she earns more in one day than most her neighbors see in an entire year, she still lives in the slums, where poverty, disease and constant flooding threaten her way of life. She still purchases food from the local market (just like your local HEB w/a slight hint of chaos/madness). And the only "extravegance" acquired from the proceeds of her school is a fairly efficient air conditioning unit that keeps the "mose-keet-o's" at bay. Instead of surrounding herself in a life of luxury never dreamed possible, she instead fulfills that same dream for those lucky enough to call Poo their family/friend/neighbor. Delicious free meals, life-saving medicine, and even the occasional trip to the beach (which apparently was a BYOB event), all small tokens that make the world of difference to those born to nothing.

In what is starting to sound like a NY Times piece of Poo's Cooking School is honestly my attempt at expressing gratitude to a lady who not only provided Julie and I the inspiration to make some bomb-ass Thai food upon our return to the States, but also left us with a sense of appreciation knowing that people like her still exist in this world. Willing to convert her own success into the betterment of others, one "I Cooked With Poo and I Liked It" t-shirt at a time.

Onto the pics:

	Picking up a few ingredients at the local market -- This station specialized in eels (of the non-electric variety)
	"Frog Station" -- Nothing like having your future foreshadowed for you than by conveniently being placed in the bin next your previously-skinned/gutted friends
	The Apples & Oranges of Southeast Asia
	Pancake Lady - I'm not really sure how those latex gloves protected her from the scalding heat, but they worked wonders in shaping those puppies
	I'm pretty sure this wasn't his face when the end was approaching
	"I'll take the meat not currently roasting in 100 degree heat please"
	Onto the cooking school - Passing down one of hundreds of alleys within Poo's slum
	The lady of the hour herself, learning us some mean cooking skills
	Starting off with a freshly-fried cricket to warm up the palates
	Chopping and dicing, dicing and chopping
	Julie wondering how much longer she has to continue to smash the curry paste
	The finished products - Sure the ingredients were picked, prepared and instructed for cooking by someone else. But at least we listened real well!

Bangkok: Everything, Anything, and Then a Tad Bit More

After several days attempting to summarize our time in the city of Bangkok, I have reluctantly decided that one (or even two if you wanna get real crazy) paragraphs do not do justice to a city that apparently was developed on the notion of "everything, anything, and then a tad bit more." With over 8 million residents teaming its chaotic streets, alleys, backalleys and any other 2 foot wide space through which a motobike can drive (regardless of what obstacles -- typically human-formed -- lay in its path), Bangkok has seemingly grown into a city intent on catering to every walk of life imaginable (as well as unimaginable if you wander down the wrong alley). While other major cities across the world share a like-minded viewpoint, the stark contrast on every corner seems to set this hilariously-named-if-you-are-12-years-old-or-just-really-immature-like-myself city on it's own.

Imagine taking all the burbs of New York (hipster and non-hipster alike), placing them in a giant Boggle container, adding a couple wats/temples and a handful of orange-robe-sporting monks to the mix, shaking it up (a fairly standard step for you Boggle newbies), and what remains is the city of Bangkok. On one block, a ritzy mall sporting the likes of Prada, Chanel, and any other brand Julie reluctantly parted ways with the day she chose a future with me. And the other, miles upon miles of slums and shacks, housing families who make less money in one lifetime than those around the corner do in a single day. Further away, a peaceful neighborhood park, nestled amongst the commotion of everyday life, home to anyone and everyone looking for a break from the chaos by which they are surrounded each and everyday. And finally, down one of those "unimaginable" alleys just around the bend, dozens of Adam's-Apple-boasting "ladyboys" destined to find that desperate tourist in pursuit of "good time."

As I finalize my unsummarizeable summarization (a phrase which spellcheck apparently hates), all I can honestly say is that Bangkok welcomes every traveler to the region of Southeast Asia with open arms, and one hell of a preview of things to come.

Onto the highlights:

- Khao San Road - In a city of endless diversity, it is amazing to know that the majority of backpackers traveling through its midst only experience a single strip of road, no longer than 400 meters in length (yup, I'm going all metric on ya). Khao San Road, more affectionately known as the "largest backpacker ghetto in the world," is literally a highly-condensed/severely-diluted version of the city of in which it resides. Catering to the 20/$20 crowd (i.e. 20-something years of age, $20-something in their pockets), this tiny strip of asphalt's sole purpose is to follow the practice of "if somebody wants it, we will sell it." Heaping plates of $1 Pad Thai. Soy-glazed insects of the deep-fried variety. "Modified" diplomas/degrees to the University of your choice. Graphic t-shirts. More graphic t-shirts. Buckets of liquor that scoff at the notion of mixers. Even more graphic t-shirts. The list is endless, the crowds are relentless, and the people-watching is priceless.

- Street Food - Two words synonymous with the city of Bangkok, the never-ending array of vendors serving up mind-numbingly delicious meals are unavoidable, and for good reason. On every corner, in every alley, a tired/sweaty local, most likely up since before dawn, is cooking up what is soon to be "the best Thai meal I've ever had." With most menus either non-existent, or in the unmemorizeable symbols of the Thai language, it is of no matter, as a smile, a pointing finger and typically a few dollars (up to $3 if you really want to splurge) will soon disappoint any future meal to be had upon your return home.

- Heat Adaptation - Despite living through countless summers of 100 degree Texas heat, nothing can truly prepare one for the unrelenting presence of "holy-hell-why-won't-it-stop" heat which attempts to suffocate your every breath while in Thailand. With humidity-factored temperatures reaching close to 110 degrees F during the summer (I won't force you to attempt a Celcius conversion), and a constant stream of exhaust-pumping motobikes upping the mercury level a few notches more, the unsufferable combination of unbreathable air and backsweat galore leads one to find respite wherever possible. And typically, such reprieve (thanks Shift-F7) is found through the heavenly escape of constant showers (our current record stands at 4 in one day) or the ever-present 7/11's throughout the city, providing a overly-satisfying helping of A/C to the heat-stricken traveler. Nonetheless, adapt we will, and sweat we shall.

Onto the pics:

	Enjoying our welcome to the unrelenting heat of Thailand w/some spicy beef noodle soup (if you look closely, you can see Julie replenishing the liquid in her soup with a nice waterfall of nose sweat). Deeeee-licious!
	Wat Phra Kaew aka Temple of the Emerald Buddha aka Home of the Selfie Stick
	Japanese Tourists + Selfie Sticks = Unavoidable Combination
	These guys are my fave
	Wat Pho - Home of the Reclining Buddha (apparently sitting just wasn't in the cards that day)
	160 feet of "straight chillin" Buddha
	More Buddha's with posture that would make your mother proud
	Angry sculpture man with what I can only describe as an Asian hipster beard
	Taking a break from temples to enjoy some tasty Pad Thai for the wallet-busting rate of $1
	Khao San Road - The perfect place if you are looking to sample a selection of fried insects while dressed in your favorite Chang Beer t-shirt after having received a massage from a local lady with a questionable protrusion near his her Adam's Apple
	If I had to guess, McLovin IDs are just slightly more popular than University of Phoenix degrees
	The head tilt took quite a lot of practice to perfect
	7/11 - The ultimate "A/C pit stop"
	Authentic Pad Thai + Orange-Dyed Sugar Juice = Perfect Combo
	Venturing over to the fancier (i.e. mall-infested) side of town
	Nothing like a state-of-the-art shopping complex to remind those living in poverty below of the joys of capitalism
	A very common and sad sight around town
	I would rate those clouds of the "omninous/umbrella-requiring" nature
	If this artists goal was to create the creepiest sculpture possible, he won this contest by a landslide
	"I'll take the 40, no wait, make that the 50 baht shade of blue Beiber cut please"